15 weeks, 4 days July 23, 2009

Today was the monthly doctor’s appointment.  To be honest, with the exception of hearing the heartbeat with the Doppler, these appointments are pretty uneventful at this point in the pregnancy.  Weight, blood pressure, check urine, talk a little, do the Doppler.  That’s the flow of the appointments.  The news from today is good.  I’ve only gained 2 pounds since my first visit, which is on the low end of normal.  Apparently, it’s not unusual that people don’t gain much in the first trimester.  Blood pressure is good and still pretty low, although not abnormally so.  Apparently I didn’t get the Tower family genes on this one!  The baby was a little harder to find on the Doppler this time but not abnormally so.  The baby’s heartbeat was ranging between 130 and 140 beats per minute, which is also normal.  The doctor said that the usual range is 120 – 160 and that the heart usually slows down a little in the second trimester, which is what we saw.

The biggest news from the visit is that I got my prescription for the anatomy ultrasound.  The real purpose of the ultrasound is to check out the baby and make sure everything’s in it’s right place.  In my mind, though, it’s when we get to find out the sex of the baby, assuming s/he cooperates.  I get back from overseas on the 22nd and the ultrasound and my next doctor’s visit will be on the 24th.  I have that day off anyway to recover from travel so it works out nicely for me.  I think Pete’s going to have to take a day off from work for it.  We may or may not post on the day of the appointment.  We may get all excited and want to tell everyone or we may want to digest the news a little and then make it public.  Stay tuned! 

15 weeks, 1 day – Belly pictures July 20, 2009

Okay, so I’m totally doing that first-time-mom thing of taking photos of my belly to document how it grows.  Hey, “my” adoptive families take photos of paperwork and the agency and different events in the adoption process – I want pictures too!  Initially we’re doing photos every two weeks; we may up the frequency as we go along.  I’ve added them in as a separate page to the blog.  I’ve uploaded the 10-week and 14-week photos; 12-weeks is MIA.  Um, yeah, we forgot to take it.  Oops!

14 weeks, 4 days – Falling in love July 16, 2009

So I’ve been thinking about something lately and it grew out of two interactions I’ve had in the past week or so.  The first one was a conversation I had with my mom.  We were just chatting and the subject came around to pregnancy.  She was talking about being really excited to hold the new baby, how pregnancy is all about love, etc.  She said it all with this glowing smile on her face.  The other was a conversation with a co-worker.  We were discussing whether or not to find out the sex of the baby.  She said that she would want to find out because then she’d be able to name the baby and talk to the baby.  As she was talking she had the same kind of glowing smile that my mom had.  Both of these women are experienced parents so they know what it is to fall head over heels in love with a child.

Both of these conversations stuck with me because they are notably different than the way I’m thinking about things these days.  It’s not that I’m not excited to be a mom but I just don’t have any sense of what that’s going to be like.  I’m looking at pictures of newborns on the internet to remind myself of what they look like!  Right now, I find myself thinking more about the changes in my body – what’s happening, how do I respond to them, how can I get some freakin’ sleep!! - than what’s going on with the baby.  My thoughts are all very logical, rational, and concrete thoughts.  I am a little surprised – okay, a lot surprised – about how unsentimental I am about being pregnant.  I guess in past years when I thought about being pregnant, I envisioned myself just being so thrilled I couldn’t stop smiling for 9 months and just being totally squishy with happiness that it is all I can think about.  The stereotypical glowing pregnant woman, that’s what I envisioned.  The reality, I find, is different.  Sure, I find myself rubbing my belly a lot but that’s not out of some fond desire to stroke the baby, it’s out of a selfish fascination with the changes in my body.  The idea that my belly’s getting bigger and I’m not actually getting fat is still a little foreign to me.  Now that a bump has appeared, the curve of my belly just seems to fascinate me.  Sure, I find myself thinking about the baby but it’s more in the context of logistical stuff – what are we going to name it? who will we name as guardians?  when we we have a will written?  what about life insurance? – than in this imagining of what this baby will be like. 

For a day or two after those two conversations, I started wondering what was wrong with me.  Why aren’t I already head over heels in love with this little peanut?  Why aren’t I that glowing pregnant woman who can think of nothing but her future baby?  Then, two answers came to me… First, I’m not an experienced parent so I don’t quite know what I’m getting myself into.  I don’t know yet what that love for my child is going to feel like.  I suspect that, being the concrete person I am, I may not know that feeling until he or she is actually here, until then he/she is an abstract (with the exception, of course, of the times when I hear the heart beat at the doctor’s office; then it feels more real).  Second, one of the things I know about myself is that, when things get busy, I tend to switch into this “okay, we’ve got a lot to do, let’s get it done” goal-focused kind of mode.  There’s no time for anxiety or freaking out; I’ve just got to do what I’ve just got to do.  The reality is that things have been a little crazy since we found out about the baby.  We found out, went on vacation, came back, found out Pete’s job was changing, decided we couldn’t live here anymore, scrambled to find a new place, sorted through all our stuff preparing for a yard sale, had a yard sale, started packing, and, now, in a week and a half, we’ll be moving.  All this and Pete is sleeping at his parents’ house 3 nights a week and we’re both still working full time at demanding jobs – on top of the usual “care and feeding of a family” sort of things like grocery shopping, laundry, and cleaning.  (I know that there are folks out there juggling more than this but, for us, this is a lot.)  I think I’ve been in that goal-focused mode for the past month or two.  I realized recently that I’m looking forward to having the move over with because then I’m going to have a little more prepare myself for what’s coming in January.  It will be nice to have a little more psychological space to rattle all this around.  Who knows, I may find myself falling in love with this kid then… maybe it’ll be when I see his/her little face.  I guess it’ll happen when it happens and I just need to be patient.

14 weeks – Best. Idea. Ever. July 12, 2009

So I went to a friend’s baby shower yesterday and had a really good time.  It helps that my friend is a really neat person and surrounds herself with really neat people.  I was talking with friends from a few different parts of her life – some I knew previously, most I didn’t – and really, really enjoyed it.  One of the other really good parts, though, was the gift opening.  I know what you’re thinking, “Seriously??  The gift opening?!?!”  I know, I know… usually that is the most tedious part of showers, both for the attendees and for the mom-to-be/bride/whatever.  You can be both really grateful about the gifts you’re receiving and really sick of opening them at the same time.    But finally, someone has come up with a solution!  It’s called a swift gift opening and here’s how it goes… one gift is distributed to each shower attendee, along with a card and a pen.  All at once everyone opens the gift in front of them.  They write down on the card what the gift is and who gave it.  Then everyone goes around and says what they opened and who it was from and shows the mom-to-be the gift.  At the end, the mom-to-be opens any remaining gifts.  It was a PERFECT idea and made the gift opening much more enjoyable for everyone.  This way we got to spend more time talking, enjoying the day, getting to know people and less time with the gifts.  (I was reminded of a story a friend told me about being at a wedding shower where the gift opening went on for 5 hours.  Yes, 5 hours.  Can you imagine???)  Such a simple solution to such an age-old dilemma!!

13 weeks, 3 days – So, are you going to find out? July 8, 2009

The question we’ve probably been getting most frequently lately is “So, are you going to find out if it’s a boy or a girl?”  The first trimester is drawing to a close so the next big landmark is going to be the ultrasound between 18 & 20 weeks where they check out the kiddo to make sure that everything’s okay.  It’s also the time where, if the kiddo cooperates, we can find out if it’s a boy or a girl.

I understand that some people like surprises but I don’t, not for life-changing things, anyway.  I like the idea of having 20 more weeks to get used to the idea of having a son or daughter so, yes, we will be finding out the child’s gender.  In our house we don’t shy away from technology so I figure, if the technology is there, why not use it???  Thankfully, Pete and I are on the same page with this.  I understand that the “to know or not to know” debate can cause some consternation in some families.  We have other consternations but I’m glad to know that this isn’t one them.

I’ve never been accused of being particularly spontaneous.  I like to know what’s happening ahead of time so I can prepare for it.  Admittedly, I’ve been working in recent years to be more flexible and spontaneous but – what can I say – some of the relics of “old Heather” still linger.  And so it is with finding out the gender of our child.  I like the idea of knowing ahead of time, of imagining what The Kid will look like, of having time to practice saying “I have a son/daughter” over and over so it doesn’t sound quite so crazy. 

The other thing that Pete and I have discussed as part of this whole thing is whether or not we’ll tell everyone else what we’re having.  For him it’s a no-brainer – well, YEAH we’re going to tell people!  For me, was a little more difficult.  My idea of a nightmare is finding out I’m having a girl and then receiving a pile of pink things for her – or a pile of blue things for a boy.  Maybe it’s my feminist mother getting into my brain but the whole “pink = girl, blue = boy” thing makes. me. CRAZY.  I know that some people enjoy it, revel in it even, but I am NOT one of those people.  It feels like prenatal pigeon-holing to me.  What if you have a girl who enjoys Tonka trucks and Thomas the Tank Engine and wants nothing to do with all things pink and frilly?  What if you have a son that enjoys the arts, dance, and playing house and wants nothing to do with all things truck- and action figure-related?  I like to envision us leaving the future a little more open for our kid.

(One disclaimer here… I’m not naive; I know that boys and girls are different.  I learned that one the hard way.  When I became a toddler teacher I swore up one side and down the other that the boys and girls would be treated the same.  That lasted about 2 days before I realized that their little brains tend to develop differently.  Boys TEND TO be more kinesthetic and girls TEND TO be more verbal in the 1 1/2 to 2 1/2 year old set.  However, I also had boys that bucked the trend and were tremendously verbal early on (and vice versa).  My beef is not with how kids develop; it’s with how we, culturally, often insist on the tendencies dictating how individual kids develop, rather than their own individual inclinations.) 

So, all that being said (man, I kinda got on a soapbox there, huh?) we will find out the child’s sex and we will be telling people.  (I’m also hoping that we’ll select a gender-neutral theme for the nursery sooner rather than later so we can offer an alternative to the whole pink/blue thing.)  I may want to take a week or two to get used to the idea but we will eventually let everyone know.  So, stay tuned, the ultrasound appointment is likely to be the week of August 10th, just days before I head to the Philippines.

Update:  Just in case you think I’m a little strange for considering holding my tongue and not announcing the gender of our child, check this out.  A Swedish couple has decided to keep under wraps the gender of their TODDLER.  Yep, not a fetus, not a newborn – a 2 year old!!

13 weeks, 1 day – In which she celebrates the return of the energy July 6, 2009

One of the things that has caught me totally off guard with this whole pregnancy is the level of exhaustion that I’ve felt.  There’s tired and then there’s this.  I would come home from work, throw myself on the couch, and watch TV for a few hours – all before I could manage getting myself something to eat.  That moment of landing on the couch was sheer bliss, no doubt about it! 

I didn’t realize exactly how tired I was until it started to lift.  Today is the first day that it’s been really noticeable to me, although Pete already commented on how my energy and mood improved a week or so ago.  Last night I slept horribly – tossing and turning all night long.  Probably only got 5 – 5.5 hours of sleep.  Today, I managed to go to work, work a longer than usual day, come home, cook dinner, eat it, and now blog all without turning on the TV once!  I’m telling you, if it weren’t for the fact that I know a lot of women have gone through this before me, I’d say it’s pretty damn close to a miracle.  It’s good timing, too, because we’re headed into many weeks of absolute insanity culminating in my trip to the Philippines in August.

It’s incredibly freeing to get my energy back.  I feel like I’ve regained a part of my life.  Don’t get me wrong, though, I know it doesn’t stay like this for long.  From what I hear the 3rd trimester can be rough.  However, at the moment, I’m enjoying a renewed sense of peace, happiness, and energy.

12 weeks, 4 days July 2, 2009

Well, we just got back from our second doctor’s appointment and all’s well!  We heard the baby on Doppler and the heart rate was between 148 and 150 – a good solid number.  He/she was also VERY active.  There was a lot of blips that the doctor said was the baby moving.  It was really cool!  I’m a little surprised at how relieved I am to both hear the heartbeat and to know that he/she is moving.  I knew I was carrying a little bit of the “first trimester – is everything going to be okay” anxiety but I’m pleasantly surprised at how easily it abated.  Pretty soon we’ll be into the second trimester and I’m sure I’ll find something else to worry about  but for now I’m pretty happy.

One of the things I talked about with the doctor was my upcoming trip to the Philippines in August.  I’m traveling to Manila to attend a conference of child welfare professionals – particularly adoption professionals - that work in the Philippines.  I was wondering about visiting orphanages and whether that would be okay.  She actually discouraged me from going with the explanation that my immune system is suppressed during pregnancy.  The doctor is Indian and is familiar with health risks in developing countries.  Pete made the same request – that I not go – for pretty much the same reason.  I guess I’ll have to put my stubbornness aside for once and listen to the both of them.  Given I can be a pretty stubborn person, that may be a bit of a feat.